Good morning! I have had several people ask me why I have not entered a blog post in awhile, honestly, I did not have a good answer. One of the reasons is that my past eight days had been pretty down and I did not feel like I had much to share! I guess in my mind I still think that I have to be “up” all the time and if I am not, I better keep it to myself!
So, the truth is, the weeks that I have two chemo drugs, those being Carboplatin and Taxol it is a pretty lethal combination that truly kicks my butt! Meaning, I pretty much have to MAKE myself get out of my recliner throughout the days, I have to force myself to eat and pray I do not get sick and the body aches, soreness and fatigue makes me in a semi- lifeless state for at least two to three days! O-kay, so there is my honest truth about the last week or so.
One night, Leisha came over late, about 10:00, it was one of my particularly roughest days, she looked at me and said, “Just think Momma, you only have two more times with double chemo!” She had the best of intentions and she was correct, yet, I was so down and weak that my response to her was something like, ” Let me get through this week first because I can’t even THINK about going through this another week! ” Of course, I apologized to her later as she was merely trying to encourage me!
This morning in one of my devotional calendars, I read something that has given me a new spark, a new boost (and I don’t mean the drink this time!) and a new outlook for my current situation… a new motivation to help me get from week 12 of chemo treatments to week 18! This is what is states: “Because even though the dungeon is dark and I’m fighting everyday to get out, and even though I’m honestly kind of scared and this hurts something fierce, I will keep breathing. I won’t give up. Just because I’m fighting doesn’t mean I’m losing!” ( Annie Downs ) WOW, that last statement especially, JUST BECAUSE I’M FIGHTING DOESN’T MEAN I’M LOSING! That is just what I needed today and I thought I would share it in case someone else needs it, too! Then, I got in my car to drive to Tim Horton’s and get a nice, cream filled, fattening pastry and this song was playing:
“Like a small boat on the ocean sending big waves into motion, Like how a single word can make a heart open, I might only have ONE match but I can make an explosion! And all those things I didn’t say wrecking balls inside my brain, I will scream them loud tonight, can you hear my voice this time? This is my fight song take back my life song, prove I’m alright song. My power’s turned on, starting right now I’ll be strong, I’ll play my fight song and I don’t really care if nobody else believes, ’cause I’ve still got alot of fight left in me… I’ve STILL GOT ALOT OF FIGHT LEFT IN ME!”
I am forever grateful to each one of you who have been with me through this battle and still take time to read this blog, wear my bracelets, pray, send thoughts, visit, text, message me and just help keep me going! THANK YOU FROM MY HEART! Have a terrific Thursday and whatever struggle you may be going through, join with me in remembering that just because I am fighting, DOES NOT mean I am losing!